Solomon says in the Book of Ecclesiastes “To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under Heaven. Charles Dickens wrote in A Tale of Two Cities, “It was the best of times and it was the worst of times.” Stephen Sondheim wrote in Merrily We Roll Along, “It’s our time breathe it in worlds to change and worlds to win.” And I am writing today it is my time.
After writing last week’s blog about letting go of people in my life who had become toxic for me I felt a new freedom. The freedom to relax and be me but also to get on with life. It has been said that the unexamined life is not worth living. While I was feeling the need to constantly ask forgiveness from three people that had stopped caring about me, I was examining my life through their lens. Seeing me as I thought they were seeing me trying to live up to something that didn’t exist. After breaking free of that bondage, and bondage it was, I was able to see myself more clearly with a better lens and make the corrections in my life that needed attention.
And I did that. I started going back to meetings that I had been neglecting. I made phone calls to people whom I hadn’t been talking to but should have. These folks encourage me and I can encourage them. It becomes a give and receive, relationship as all relationships should be. If you are in a relationship where you are always giving or are always receiving it’s probably an unhealthy relationship.
I have had a more peaceful life. It’s amazing how much you calm down when you stop worrying about what someone else is thinking about you. It’s good to feel calm. I have also been able to read and concentrate on my reading. Reading has become joyful again. My spirit is lighter and I am smiling more. I am in a much better place than I have been.
That’s not to say that I don’t have issues that need to be dealt with. I saw my doctor today and he is sending me to another specialist to deal with my foot. I fractured several of the bones in my foot back in April and though the bones healed the pain and swelling have not gone down. It’s very difficult to walk but I do what I can. Going to the market has been an achievement but I do it when I have to do.
The saga with my ears continues and I need to see two doctors about that. An ear doctor and neurologist. All of the appointments are made. I don’t know if I have written about my ear in this blog. Let me get you up to date. My ear has been leaking fluid for about four years. The big question is what the fluid is. The infectious disease doctor thought it was an ear infection and what was leaking out was a byproduct of the infection. A doctor whose title I can’t spell but we’ll call him a super Ear Nose and Throat doctor thinks that what’s coming out of my ear is spinal fluid. This guy tested the fluid in my ear and the test came back inconclusive. He wants to do a radical surgery on me where he will cut a hole in my skull and dig down to where he believes there is a crack in my skull and patch the crack up. Needless to say with a test that has come back inconclusive I do not want this surgery done. I have been dodging seeing him until I can get another doctor to run the test on the fluid.
So as you can see life isn’t easy but it does have its moments of joy. These come from friends that visit me or unexpected phone calls. These come from the things that delight me like the latest Spiderman movie which was awesome or finding some of my favorite TV shows from the past are available to watch for free on YouTube. These shows include Here Comes the Brides and The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.
Joy comes unexpectedly and it really should. If we were full of joy all the time how could we possibly know what Joy is? There will always be sorrow and sadness in our lives. It’s been that way since Adam and Eve left The Garden, but if any of us only experience sorrow and sadness we will go mad. We’d have to. Or we would become angry and bitter a true Scrooge as Dickens describes him at the beginning of A Christmas Carol.
So when joy comes we take it to heart and remember it. Our joy whatever it is will get us through the tough times if we remember it. So write down what brings joy to you. Journal your joy moments so when things do get black you can look back and maybe smile through the hardship. Auntie Mame says, “Life is Banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.” Eat the banquet that is in front of you. Auntie Mame echoes Jesus who said, “A thief is only there to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better than they ever dreamed of” (John 10:10 The Message Version)
And now an announcement that I was to make last week but had to put off because my doctor had to cancel my appointment due to Covid in his office. I can make it now. Since starting my new eating regimen on December 6, 2021, I have lost, drum roll please, 22 pounds. What I am doing is indeed working and I intend to stick with the program. A big thank you to everyone who has encouraged me.
Until next time may God bless you all.